How Not to Feel Awkward in Conversations 😬
What if there is an easy escape hatch out of awkward alley?
Today let’s delve into awkwardness. Those moments where for whatever reason you lose your ease and flow and life and conversation becomes jerky. Where you have no idea what to say. Where you get stuck. Where you misread the cues and say the wrong thing. You’ve been there. I’ve been there and this is a great question! (Keep them coming - you can send any burning questions to this email and I will put them on my list)
Awkward is sticky. Treacly. You get stuck there and inevitably pull others into your spiral as you make others feel uncomfortable around us and the awkwardness goes viral.
What if there was an easy escape hatch out of awkward alley?
There is.
As ever so many of the clues are there hiding in plain sight. The Middle English word “awk” meant backwards, clumsy, from the original old Norse afugr for “turned the wrong way.”
And this is it, in a nutshell, the problem and also the solution. When awkwardness strikes there is absolutely something turned the wrong way
Your attention.
When you feel awkward your attention is turned in. On you.
When it should be turned out. On the room.
Think of the focus of your attention when you are at your best, hanging out with your friends at ease, laughing, carefree. It’s on the room. You notice smiles, movement, energy. Not the paranoid critic in your brain.
Now think of the focus when awkwardness strikes. It goes inside you. You become your own worst enemy. Your attention is fixated at micro level on your every mis-step. You squirm under the microscope for your own attention. And it sucks the joy out of life, out of your presence and out of the conversation. You become an energy drain rather than an energy radiator.
The awkwardness eradicator is there for you at the flip of your attention switch. Attention is a muscle, it’s a choice, and when you understand that, you can flip the filter. And when you flip the filter you shift the state.
You can build the muscle of attention gently. The simplest way in conversation is by being more “Colombo”. Depending on your vintage, you may remember the classic TV detective Colombo who was quiet and curious and always got the crook via his curiosity, with his eponymous phrase, “just one more thing…” accompanied by a quizzical expression.
When awkwardness hits, be more Colombo and flex the curiosity muscle. Curiosity as a state is such a powerful way to neutralise awkwardness. Suddenly the camera's not on you anymore in your mind, it's out, it's on them and as everyone loves to talk about themselves, asking questions makes for a really lovely conversation. Dig deep, be interested and set yourself up for the joy of a flowing focused conversation. Because if you are talking to someone with any social skills whatsoever, they will reciprocate soon enough with a question about you. If they don’t, that’s information - move on and find someone who does!
It’s a Bank Holiday here in the UK on Monday so no post until next Friday.
Have a lovely week!
Caroline x